Tuesday, 31 March 2015

It is the Laughter We Will Remember

Illustration by Sara Herranz - check out her FACEBOOK!

Being an excruciatingly shy child growing up, making friends was something I frequently struggled with. Meeting new people made me unbearably anxious. I was always afraid of what people were going to think of me, often convincing myself that people weren't fond of me before I so much as breathed a hello. Eventually, I was lucky enough to establish a few concrete friendships throughout my childhood and teenage years. I was sure that these friendships were inevitable to last a lifetime and that these people would be present on my wedding day. I was utterly certain that our kids would have play dates together and that when we were old and grey we would visit each other for a catch up over a cup of tea. Alas, the innocence of childhood begins to fade and things change. Sometimes, it's a case of suddenly, as if unknowingly, becoming completely different people to what you were when you were fifteen. It's painful, like a toothache, and you'll probably find yourself listening to Taylor Swift wishing you could just re-live old times, but sadly, that ship has long since sailed.

Losing friends can be hard to accept. Some will end on bad terms, and others will just fizzle out. I can say with my hand on my heart that the ones that fizzle out will hurt you the most. After so many years of establishing a firm 'best friend for life' basis, everything gradually begins to fade away and it's excruciating. Seemingly overnight you can both change so much that you virtually no longer have anything in common. Slowly, the effort to meet up or even talk to each other gradually burns out. An important thing to remember though, is that it isn't always about spite. Life gets in the way, and sometimes it's just that simple. 

Sometimes they will end on bad terms, and yes, a friendship break-up can be even more painful than a romantic break-up. Maybe one of you did something wrong, maybe you kissed their ex and that just really wasn't cool. Maybe they found someone new and just stopped being so interested in you. Ouch. One day, for whatever reason, they decided to close the book of the friendship between the two of you and you might never understand why. And sometimes, that's just how it goes. But it's so important to take these as learning curves rather than feeling bitter because there are so many other people out there who would love to hold your hand in the great big ocean of friendships. It's okay to let go of something toxic, even though it may take time to realise it.

The last few years have taught me so many important lessons about friendships. I've learned what a friendship truly entails and what it doesn't. They come and go in waves, as exciting and as sad as it can be all at the same time. Making new friends and maintaining those friendships as an adult is difficult, especially if you work full time, have a hectic schedule, are in a relationship, or even live far apart. You will grow to realize that friendships can't be forced, and try as you might, they are a two-way street. It shouldn't all be left up to you. When you finally realise all of that, you will feel so much happier with the friendships that you do have. The mantra of quality over quantity is applicable for so many aspects of life, even friends. 

I will never forget this simple yet powerful phrase that my mother told me when I was growing up: people will come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I guess in time it will become clear, and at the end of the day, it will probably make sense. Not all friendships are built to last, and losing someone in any kind of situation in life is difficult, especially when you're not ready to let go. Memories however, last a lifetime. At the end of it all, it is the laughter we will remember.

What lessons have you learned through your friendships in life? Let me know in the comments below!

Thank you for reading!

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10 comments

  1. Really loved this post! Its so honest and everything you said is extremely true, I was in a very toxic friendship for over 5 years with someone who I classed as a 'best friend' but I realised that all they did was bring me down and tried to extinguish any other friendships I had made and even went as far as to try break up my relationship. I'm happier now than I ever was in those 5 years because I can see peoples true intentions now and I'm able to form better friendships than I ever was before. I love the phrase your mum told you, she sounds like a very smart woman and hopefully that phrase will stick with me now too! x
    Aisling | Aislings beauty bytes

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment Aisling! I'm so glad you're happier now. It's amazing what you learn to realise once you get yourself out of a toxic situation. I love that phrase, haha I'll tell her what you said! x

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  2. This is such a beautifully put post and so on point for me right now! The best advise I was ever given was to chose your friends wisely, instead of a sea of numbers cherish the handful who make you a better person. Surround yourself with positive/happy people who are GOOD FOR YOU - and cut out the fake ones who are not worth a place in your heart. My mum always used to drill this in to me and over the passed few years I've finally come to understand.

    LeviJade xx

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    1. Thank you so much, lovely! I love that advice and I wholeheartedly agree! xxx

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  3. Great post :) It's incredible how much I can relate to this haha, I had a friend throughout nursery, primary and early secondary and I was certain we'd be best friends for life, unfortunately we ended on bad terms... and she doesn't even pass herself on the street now, quite difficult! x

    www.sheintheknow.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much, Rebecca! Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you x

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  4. Love this post, Katy! I'll never get over how amazing you are at writing and how you just draw me in so much every time I read one of your posts. A big thing I have learned is that during school, you're simply friends with people because you see them 5 days a week and when you're older, friendships just don't work that way. Our friendship is one of those ones where we won't see each other for weeks, if not months, and we still act exactly the same when we see each other and I love that. When things get in the way, like you said, it's not easy to see people all the time so it's nice to know that you can just pick up where you left off when it comes to us two. We definitely do need to see each other soon though girl! It's been forever and we have soooo much catching up to do, haha. We'll have to get something arranged :) miss you! & great post chicka.

    Caitlin Crawford
    - xoxo

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    1. Thank you so much Caitlin! That really means a lot. This why I value your friendship so much! I love that we pick up right where we leave off, it's the best kind of friendship! We definitely need a catch up soon, when the universe stops hating us! Miss you gal xxx

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  5. What a beautiful, touching post, Katy. It's true - everything you said - and I've found that even as you get older, it doesn't seem to get easier (something I had wished for) but I guess you just learn to let go and move on. I've learnt, and still am learning, that some people really aren't meant to be in your life, they're lessons, and regardless of the outcome you should appreciate them being a part of your life and it's what has made you, you. But most importantly to not focus so much attention on people who are negative and do not appreciate your trying and surround yourself with the understanding, positive friends. Again, great post, Katy. Will be sure to keep up to date with your posts :-) X

    LL ♥ www.cautivarbyll.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Lauren! I really appreciate it! I can relate to that so much. Learning to let go and move on can be extremely difficult, but sometimes extremely necessary! That really means a lot Lauren, I'm glad you liked it!

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